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PSLCOACHROB
(@pslcoachrob)
Kryptonite
Joined: 8 years ago
Posts: 12408
September 19, 2018 4:02 am  

To me, crying is a sign that a kid cares enough to get extremely emotional. Too many men who coach are caught up in macho bullshit. This guy is a complete chucklehead.


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GP
 GP
(@gpenn44)
Gold
Joined: 8 years ago
Posts: 1670
September 19, 2018 4:21 am  

So the coach punishes the team for something that shouldn't warrant a punishment to anyone, and a player sprains a wrist as a result of his bogus decision?  ::)

--Dave

I'm sure this has happened many, many times in youth sports.

"Motivation is simple. You eliminate those who are not motivated." - Lou Holtz


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patriotsfatboy1
(@patriotsfatboy1)
Platinum
Joined: 7 years ago
Posts: 3255
September 19, 2018 7:02 am  

To me, crying is a sign that a kid cares enough to get extremely emotional. Too many men who coach are caught up in macho bullshit. This guy is a complete chucklehead.

Had a couple of kids that played for me in the past who lost a close HS game the other day.  Some parents were concerned that kids were crying over the 2nd game of the season.  I told them that it was actually a good thing - they always expected to win and when they didn't, they felt that they let the team down.  They cared and I would be more concerned by the kids who weren't bothered by it. 


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PSLCOACHROB
(@pslcoachrob)
Kryptonite
Joined: 8 years ago
Posts: 12408
September 19, 2018 7:17 am  

Had a couple of kids that played for me in the past who lost a close HS game the other day.  Some parents were concerned that kids were crying over the 2nd game of the season.  I told them that it was actually a good thing - they always expected to win and when they didn't, they felt that they let the team down.  They cared and I would be more concerned by the kids who weren't bothered by it.

Exactly. We aren't talking whiny type crying here. I don't want to coach kids that don't care. Not sure that I even can.


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joshv155
(@joshv155)
Platinum
Joined: 10 years ago
Posts: 3365
September 19, 2018 7:53 am  

I have a kid who cries, but is saying, "I'm an idiot, I suck" etc while doing it. This kid is a pretty talented player but lets his emotions get the best of him. I have tried just about everything, including sitting him, but it still happens.

I don't have a problem with the emotions in general, but it affects him throughout practice and a game. He had a false start last game. I called a timeout after, not just because of him but the penalties on the drive were starting to hurt us. As I am walking onto the field he is pacing in a circle telling himself how dumb he is or something like that. I tried to engage him but it continued so I sent him off the field.

I pulled him aside on the sidelines as soon as I got back. Didn't yell or freak out on him. I tried to explain to him how the team needed him on the field, I wanted him on the field but I didn't trust that he could perform as we require because of these outbursts. Let him know he was letting his teammates down. I put a kid in his position that had not played it before.

The talk helped, a little. He calmed down over time but he still has this issue. I was told that this has been a major problem over all his sporting activities. I told him that during our talk. Told him I won't be the coach that lets him throw a tantrum, verbally abusing himself and let it go. Every time it happens he will be removed and on a time out basically. I don't think his behavior has every been challenged before. Will work with him. This is something that will really hurt him as he gets older if he can't learn how to deal with his emotions.

Passio Bellator


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Monster
(@monster)
Gold
Joined: 8 years ago
Posts: 1244
September 19, 2018 8:32 am  

I have a kid who cries, but is saying, "I'm an idiot, I suck" etc while doing it. This kid is a pretty talented player but lets his emotions get the best of him. I have tried just about everything, including sitting him, but it still happens.

I don't have a problem with the emotions in general, but it affects him throughout practice and a game. He had a false start last game. I called a timeout after, not just because of him but the penalties on the drive were starting to hurt us. As I am walking onto the field he is pacing in a circle telling himself how dumb he is or something like that. I tried to engage him but it continued so I sent him off the field.

I pulled him aside on the sidelines as soon as I got back. Didn't yell or freak out on him. I tried to explain to him how the team needed him on the field, I wanted him on the field but I didn't trust that he could perform as we require because of these outbursts. Let him know he was letting his teammates down. I put a kid in his position that had not played it before.

The talk helped, a little. He calmed down over time but he still has this issue. I was told that this has been a major problem over all his sporting activities. I told him that during our talk. Told him I won't be the coach that lets him throw a tantrum, verbally abusing himself and let it go. Every time it happens he will be removed and on a time out basically. I don't think his behavior has every been challenged before. Will work with him. This is something that will really hurt him as he gets older if he can't learn how to deal with his emotions.

I had this situation, but not quite as extreme, with a player who did kickoffs. When we would practice, if the kick wasn't perfect he would freak out on himself and go into light histrionics.

What helped with this particular situation was I told him to view it all as data. Whatever happens out on the practice field, it's just feedback that we can use. We will master the "bad" news by making it work for us. He really seemed to dig that approach as he came up with the phrase "mastering the badness".

I don't know if this will work for you, but maybe it'll give a little insight.

Mission Statement: To make a genuine effort at every opportunity to help those around me build and maintain a commitment to success.


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GP
 GP
(@gpenn44)
Gold
Joined: 8 years ago
Posts: 1670
September 19, 2018 9:09 am  

I cry and/or have a blank stare after reading some of the posts on this site. Does that mean I'm moving down to JV?  🙁

"Motivation is simple. You eliminate those who are not motivated." - Lou Holtz


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GP
 GP
(@gpenn44)
Gold
Joined: 8 years ago
Posts: 1670
September 19, 2018 9:14 am  

I have a kid who cries, but is saying, "I'm an idiot, I suck" etc while doing it.

That's something I'd def address. Fully support expressing emotions (crying after loss or when frustrated, etc.). As Rob said too many in our culture still teach young men that expressing emotions other than happiness and anger is somehow weak when in reality it's the opposite.

However the negative self-talk is not good and all too common. Unfortunately many of them are subject to constant criticism at home, in school, etc. Adults in their lives often model this behavior as well.

You want them to care but not to the point where they crucify themselves over every mistake.

"Motivation is simple. You eliminate those who are not motivated." - Lou Holtz


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Coach E
(@coache)
Gold
Joined: 10 years ago
Posts: 1101
September 19, 2018 9:16 am  

I have a kid who cries, but is saying, "I'm an idiot, I suck" etc while doing it. This kid is a pretty talented player but lets his emotions get the best of him. I have tried just about everything, including sitting him, but it still happens.

I don't have a problem with the emotions in general, but it affects him throughout practice and a game. He had a false start last game. I called a timeout after, not just because of him but the penalties on the drive were starting to hurt us. As I am walking onto the field he is pacing in a circle telling himself how dumb he is or something like that. I tried to engage him but it continued so I sent him off the field.

I pulled him aside on the sidelines as soon as I got back. Didn't yell or freak out on him. I tried to explain to him how the team needed him on the field, I wanted him on the field but I didn't trust that he could perform as we require because of these outbursts. Let him know he was letting his teammates down. I put a kid in his position that had not played it before.

The talk helped, a little. He calmed down over time but he still has this issue. I was told that this has been a major problem over all his sporting activities. I told him that during our talk. Told him I won't be the coach that lets him throw a tantrum, verbally abusing himself and let it go. Every time it happens he will be removed and on a time out basically. I don't think his behavior has every been challenged before. Will work with him. This is something that will really hurt him as he gets older if he can't learn how to deal with his emotions.

We got a kid like this as well. Nice as can be...unless something goes wrong. I've done the same thing: pulled him out and talked to him about his job. When he would talk about his position, I would correct him and tell him to tell me what I told the team on day 1: make each time better than last, focusing on what you can improve on (I stole this from Michael, I think).

The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane.- Marcus Aurelius


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PSLCOACHROB
(@pslcoachrob)
Kryptonite
Joined: 8 years ago
Posts: 12408
September 19, 2018 9:51 am  

I had 2 kids like this over the years. There was a common denominator that I suspected was there before I found out for sure, the fathers were complete and utter assholes. Both fathers were relentless in criticizing their boys for every little mistake or for not scoring enough tds or some bs like that.

After winning the NC in the last seconds of the game good ole daddy walks up to his son with a pissed off face, pulled him aside and berated him for not scoring. Poor kid was balling in a bad way when he should of had tears of joy. It is hard to deprogram a kid in that situation. No point in trying ro change the dad. We tried it was a waste of time. These kids both had quotas to meet in the game.


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CoachDP
(@coachdp)
Kryptonite
Joined: 10 years ago
Posts: 17400
North Carolina
High School
September 19, 2018 10:44 am  

As Rob said too many in our culture still teach young men that expressing emotions other than happiness and anger is somehow weak when in reality it's the opposite.

Wow.  Yes.  This.  ^

--Dave

"The Greater the Teacher, the More Powerful the Player."

The Mission Statement: "I want to show any young man that he is far tougher than he thinks, that he can accomplish more than what he dreamed and that his work ethic will take him wherever he wants to go."

#BattleReady newhope


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CoachDP
(@coachdp)
Kryptonite
Joined: 10 years ago
Posts: 17400
North Carolina
High School
September 19, 2018 10:58 am  

Crying is an emotional result to extreme feeling; just like laughing is.  One is not better or worse than the other.  One is not a sign of strength, nor is another a sign of weakness.  They are just manifestations of feelings.  Football is an intense, physical and emotional game.  We should want every aspect of what we teach to be important to our players.  Would you rather have someone who didn't care?  When I've had players who were upset about playing time, not enough touches, not enough tackles, not enough INTs, not winning, etc., I was glad they cared.  I want them to be angry when they're on the sideline, instead of the game field, or when a block gets missed, or a game is lost.  Too many times I hear coaches complain that their kids don't care, and then turnaround and criticize them when a tear is shed. 

I've had players who were better (more intense, physical, angry) when they cried.  I learned to see it not as a weakness, but knowing when I needed to call their number because they were ready to put their foot on the gas right then.  That's passion.  That's feeling.  That's intensity.  Embrace it.  And if they cry during an injury, don't talk them out of it:  you have no idea what it is that they're feeling.  We don't kowtow to injuries, but we don't ignore them, either.  Too many dads turn into moms when their kid gets hurt, or too many dads get embarassed when they see their son cry on a football field.  "Suck it up!" they hollar.  "There's no crying in football!"  Why not?  This is the most extreme of all team sports. 

If they cry, they cry.  The world doesn't stop.  The world doesn't end.  Nor does my practice.

--Dave

"The Greater the Teacher, the More Powerful the Player."

The Mission Statement: "I want to show any young man that he is far tougher than he thinks, that he can accomplish more than what he dreamed and that his work ethic will take him wherever he wants to go."

#BattleReady newhope


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