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acsmith7062
(@acsmith7062)
Copper
Joined: 4 years ago
Posts: 75
Texas
3rd - 5th
Head Coach
August 24, 2019 3:08 pm  

--That sounds hardly fair.  Chad, it looks like you don't want to have to take any heat from parents for you making your son the QB, so his expectations and performance must be unrivaled so that no parent can question your choice of putting your son at QB.  Really??  Do you think that's fair?  Do you think that's even reasonable?  Your son can only control what he can control, which is his own ability.  Your son can't control the other QB's ability.  If your son is a 7 and the other QB is a 7, is it fair that you then ask/expect your son to then become a 10?  In my 20+ years of doing this, I've only seen two (dad) coaches who could at least coach and act as if their son was just another player out there.  The other 99% just couldn't do it.

You couldn't be more right Dave.  I think in an effort to be like the two dad coaches you describe, I proved that I am in the other 99% percent at this point.

"You fail all the time, but you aren't a failure until you start blaming someone else."   O.A. "Bum" Phillips


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acsmith7062
(@acsmith7062)
Copper
Joined: 4 years ago
Posts: 75
Texas
3rd - 5th
Head Coach
August 24, 2019 3:11 pm  

Nothing wrong with having your own son on the team, but allow someone else to coach his position. 

I wish that was an option, but my staff consists of only one true assistant coach, who travels for work a lot, and a few dads that are happy to hold a bag, but little else.

"You fail all the time, but you aren't a failure until you start blaming someone else."   O.A. "Bum" Phillips


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mahonz
(@mahonz)
Kryptonite
Joined: 11 years ago
Posts: 22974
August 24, 2019 3:23 pm  

We had our first, and only scrimmage tonight (against a team from our school district one grade older).  Regular season starts in two weeks. 

A little background, this is a 4th grade tackle team that started playing tackle in 2nd grade.  My son plays QB and they are undefeated in their age group in the past two years.  They even finished 2nd in the State at the 7 on 7 state playoffs this summer. 

A new kid moved into our district this summer and he has a lot of natural arm talent at QB.  Since the start of practices I have been giving him and my son equal reps at QB, and in my (probably biased) opinion my son has out performed him, especially in accuracy.  Flash forward to tonight's scrimmage, I gave both equal reps and my son looked like he had never thrown a football before.  He was rushing every throw, and not even giving the receiver a chance to make a catch.  Really awful passes.  I have never seen him like this!  While my other QB was quick and accurate, despite this being his first live tackle football experience against another team (he previously has only played flag).

Needless to say, my son was upset after the scrimmage about his performance, and I probable didn't handle it right by telling him (honestly) that my other QB had definitely passed him on the depth chart and he is going to have to work hard to overtake him.  I explained that all our parents were there and saw the scrimmage, and I don't see any way that he can reclaim his starting position at QB before our first game (again wrong thing to say).  I don't want to, and refuse to be, a "Daddy Ball" coach and not to mention, my other QB has been a model player, works hard, listens, gives great effort, etc.  I've told my son that he has to seriously out perform the other QB to play ahead of him.

I feel like that I may have handled this situation badly.  Any advise would be greatly appreciated!

Chad

Everything has to be earned especially when you are so young.

Where things go from here is up to him. As his Coach you have to go with the other player. As his Dad... teach him... motivate him that no matter how good you are at something when it comes to sports, there is a very real possibility that there is someone better right around the corner.

He is a tiny grain of sand in this big World and to be the best is a very long road. All he is thinking about is tomorrow. Open his eyes up to the bigger picture. Dedication to something is key. Think Tom Brady. Barely draft worthy.  Told Kraft when they first met that he was his next QB.

Skinny ass punk was right.

Your son will be better off when something lost can be something gained. Never fails but he might be a bit too young to grasp that. Heck...he might end up being a really great DB or a very special WR due to a few seasons playing QB.

What is beautiful, lives forever.


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JustPlay
(@rjbthor)
Silver
Joined: 7 years ago
Posts: 559
August 24, 2019 3:37 pm  

retired daddy baller here.

Not sure if this is right or wrong, but I always used the other QB to challenge my son to be better. If another Q did something better I would tell my son or after a bit of time he would tell me "Hey Johnny really does this" well. I tried to instill in him that competing for the position is part of life. Now as he is in high school he loves to compete. Cheers on his competitors and uses that as positive motivation.

So I think you can focus on him competing as a huge positive step. Give him some goals and spend time together helping him achieve them. I cherish the times when JR comes in my office and asks - hey dad want to throw the ball around...I want to show you something.

nothing replaces effort. nothing replaces the mind. One with out the other is a waste of time.


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CoachDP
(@coachdp)
Kryptonite
Joined: 10 years ago
Posts: 17394
North Carolina
High School
August 24, 2019 3:42 pm  

He brought up the subject again with me today and asked if I would work with him outside of practice so that he can become a better player.  I of course said yes, and we discussed the things he needs to work on.  I assured him that I believe in him and that this doesn't mean that he is locked into the backup QB role.

That is awesome.

As coaches, many times when we take 3 steps backwards, it allows us to then take 5 steps forwards.  I can't tell you how many backwards steps I've taken over the years.

--Dave

"The Greater the Teacher, the More Powerful the Player."

The Mission Statement: "I want to show any young man that he is far tougher than he thinks, that he can accomplish more than what he dreamed and that his work ethic will take him wherever he wants to go."

#BattleReady newhope


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J. Potter (seabass)
(@seabass)
Gold
Joined: 6 years ago
Posts: 1248
August 27, 2019 8:13 am  

Coaches need coaching reps just as much as player's need their reps...some reps are good and some are bad. You had some bad reps with your son, learn from it and make an adjustment.

NEVER piss away an opportunity to share your mistakes with him, regardless of his reaction to the original mistake. My boys are both in HS now. I couldn't even begin to count the number of times I have had to circle back and correct myself. It's the main reason I still have credibility with them after all these years.


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32wedge
(@32wedge)
Silver Moderator
Joined: 10 years ago
Posts: 695
Virginia
Middle School
Only / Head Coach
August 27, 2019 9:27 am  

We had our first, and only scrimmage tonight (against a team from our school district one grade older).  Regular season starts in two weeks. 

A little background, this is a 4th grade tackle team that started playing tackle in 2nd grade.  My son plays QB and they are undefeated in their age group in the past two years.  They even finished 2nd in the State at the 7 on 7 state playoffs this summer. 

A new kid moved into our district this summer and he has a lot of natural arm talent at QB.  Since the start of practices I have been giving him and my son equal reps at QB, and in my (probably biased) opinion my son has out performed him, especially in accuracy.  Flash forward to tonight's scrimmage, I gave both equal reps and my son looked like he had never thrown a football before.  He was rushing every throw, and not even giving the receiver a chance to make a catch.  Really awful passes.  I have never seen him like this!  While my other QB was quick and accurate, despite this being his first live tackle football experience against another team (he previously has only played flag).

Needless to say, my son was upset after the scrimmage about his performance, and I probable didn't handle it right by telling him (honestly) that my other QB had definitely passed him on the depth chart and he is going to have to work hard to overtake him.  I explained that all our parents were there and saw the scrimmage, and I don't see any way that he can reclaim his starting position at QB before our first game (again wrong thing to say).  I don't want to, and refuse to be, a "Daddy Ball" coach and not to mention, my other QB has been a model player, works hard, listens, gives great effort, etc.  I've told my son that he has to seriously out perform the other QB to play ahead of him.

I feel like that I may have handled this situation badly.  Any advise would be greatly appreciated!

Chad

This is why we never throw the ball! ;D


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ZACH
 ZACH
(@bucksweep58)
Diamond
Joined: 10 years ago
Posts: 9393
Coach
August 27, 2019 10:50 am  

Tough love is hard on both sides

Now he can grow and be better than ever

I can explain it to you, I can't understand if for you.


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Wing-n-It
(@robert)
Platinum Moderator
Joined: 11 years ago
Posts: 3872
United States
August 27, 2019 11:37 am  

Thanks everyone for all the honest and candid advice.  The way I handled the situation was completely unfair to my son.  I would have not handled ANY of my other players in the same way, and that is not fair to him.

Fortunately, my son has very thick skin and a better head on his shoulders than me.  He brought up the subject again with me today and asked if I would work with him outside of practice so that he can become a better player.  I of course said yes, and we discussed the things he needs to work on.  I assured him that I believe in him and that this doesn't mean that he is locked into the backup QB role.  Only that based on what I saw Friday night, the other QB is now a little ahead of him based on his performance.  But, he has the same opportunity to move up the depth chart based on future performance(s). 

Hopefully I dodged a bullet on this one, and it will only encourage him to work harder.         

If I could give just some of my experience trying super hard not to be a daddy baller.
My son had to work twice as hard as any other player out there, there is just more expected of him than any other player. That's not fair to my son but DP told me a long time ago, "You will never coach your kid the same way as others" I thought I could be unbiased, but I went waaay the other way. When we were handing out positions I told my coaches that anyone on this team is eligible to be QB except my son. One coach said he was our best bet at QB and I refused to put him at QB. We chose another QB that we all agreed on and did well.
My son has played every position for me except QB. Once he got into MS he was tagged by the HC of the HS to be groomed to be QB. They did a great job because he has almost all of records for the school.
When he was helping me coach for another team while he was in HS, he told the kids to not be discouraged by their position, he told them that he started out on the defensive line, played offensive line, center, TE FB, HB. He told them he played every position except QB. Then he asked, "Guess what position I played in HS?". Kids answered QB. He told them it doesn't matter your position right now, just have fun and enjoy the game

You wont coach your kid the same as everyone else, Dave said it and so it has to be true.  ;D

Have fun coaching the greatest game with your favorite player. Enjoy these times. Its special and it will be missed, believe me

2 Things my offense will always have is a Wing and a Wedge


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CoachDP
(@coachdp)
Kryptonite
Joined: 10 years ago
Posts: 17394
North Carolina
High School
August 27, 2019 1:37 pm  

Dave said it and so it has to be true.

Yes.  See?  This ^

—Dave

"The Greater the Teacher, the More Powerful the Player."

The Mission Statement: "I want to show any young man that he is far tougher than he thinks, that he can accomplish more than what he dreamed and that his work ethic will take him wherever he wants to go."

#BattleReady newhope


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rpatric
(@rpatric)
Bronze
Joined: 2 years ago
Posts: 172
Maryland
6th - 8th
Head Coach
August 28, 2019 7:23 am  

I'm dealing with the same thing here. Just had a coach approach me about his son. Whenever the conversation starts out as... " Hey man, i'm not trying to play daddy ball here, but...….

The most obvious way to identify Daddy Ballers is they always say they're not trying to play daddy ball. Really, then what are you trying to do??? ::) ::)


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Wing-n-It
(@robert)
Platinum Moderator
Joined: 11 years ago
Posts: 3872
United States
August 28, 2019 8:37 am  

I'm dealing with the same thing here. Just had a coach approach me about his son. Whenever the conversation starts out as... " Hey man, i'm not trying to play daddy ball here, but...….

The most obvious way to identify Daddy Ballers is they always say they're not trying to play daddy ball. Really, then what are you trying to do??? ::) ::)

Its the same thing when someone starts off with a "I am not a racist or anything but...."
All I say to them is "Then dont start"

Ever notice that no parent tells you how good of a blocker their kid is, How good their 3 point stance is..

Just one time I want to hear that  🙂

2 Things my offense will always have is a Wing and a Wedge


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32wedge
(@32wedge)
Silver Moderator
Joined: 10 years ago
Posts: 695
Virginia
Middle School
Only / Head Coach
August 28, 2019 9:12 am  

Its the same thing when someone starts off with a "I am not a racist or anything but...."
All I say to them is "Then dont start"

Ever notice that no parent tells you how good of a blocker their kid is, How good their 3 point stance is..

Just one time I want to hear that  🙂

I had a dad call me up last week and ask if it was too late for his kid to play.  He told me his kid loves football and loves to hit. 

I told him to come on out, I would make an exception in his case.  😉


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