Sorry in advance if this drags on. Many times, this forum serves as my therapy via journaling.
For those of you unfamiliar with my experience last season, in a nutshell, I was pretty close to walking away. Then, for a couple of weeks, I dragged myself to practices and games out of a sense of obligation. Not a good place to be as a coach. Eventually, I graduated to, "I'll see these guys through youth ball into HS", but more out of obligation than wanting to say.
For the first time since I can remember, I shut down completely for 3 months. Didn't think about, let alone talk about football. On Feb 8, I went to our mandatory org meeting. I talked a little football with some fellow coaches, but meh. What else am I going to talk about with them? The org announced that registration opens March 1. I had decided at the end of last season that I would be sending one and only one email to the parents before registration opens, essentially saying, "If you or your kid are not all in, go elsewhere." I drafted that email and had a few trusted coaches to review it before I hit "send". I can't stress enough the value of having someone in your life that you can have a truly unfiltered conversation with. For me, Mahonz is that person and this time around, he didn't disappoint. He told me that my email came across as petty, vindictive, confrontational and "pissed off". I did a personal inventory and came to the conclusion that I am not pissed off at all. Guarded and defensive for sure, but no longer angry. One thing he said really hit a nerve. He relayed to me that he had a few conversation with some players, running into them at the grocery store on whatever (I live 25+ miles from where our players live). More than one said that last season just wasn't as fun or words to that effect. Mahonz pointed out that I was an ogre, failed to delegate and let the many off the field nonsense bleed onto the field. He pointed out that the players don't understand why I was so impatient and "grumpy" (putting it lightly) and that they didn't need to understand.
I really took that to heart. Every year, I make a joke promise that I won't be yelling this season, then joke about how long it takes to break that promise. No more. I'm really committed to taking the negativity out of my coaching tool box. This process got the juices flowing a little and I started thinking about the other changes I want to make this season. #1 is that this season will be fun, whether we are 8-0 or 0-8.
Then, out of the blue, I got a call from a mom whose son wants to join our team. He has friends on our team and has been playing flag for several years. Every year, he has begged his mom to let him play tackle football and every year, she has refused. I guess 7th grade is the year she finally gave in. What got me stoked is that she said her son has been talking non stop about this team called the "Outlaws" and how awesome it is. So apparently some of my kids are excited enough out about our team to get a schoolmate excited enough to convince his mom to play.
Since that conversation, I've been back in the saddle, working on offense, helping Mahonz with defense, thinking about our culture adjustments, etc. etc.
BTW, the email I ended up sending was along the lines of "This is our new attendance policy. Please be aware before scheduling any vacations. Also, reach out to me if you have any strong objections and we can discuss your options."
When in doot . . . glass and oot.
Every coach needs a Mahonz around to keep them grounded. Love that man.
The longer I coach, the lesser I know.
I’ve stolen many things from many people, including you.
My attendance policy is whoever I think is the best player plays. I set up my practice schedule with the intention of building redundancy so that the backups can play but also so that the backups can potentially win a starting spot. If a player misses practice there’s a chance that they will lose their starting spot because the backup has overcome the starter. I will determine if that has happened. It’s a loose rule on purpose. I only ask that the parents tell me with as much notice as they can that their child will not be at practice and that goes double for the game. I also let them know that there is such a thing as an excused absence. The line between an excused absence and an unexcused absence isn’t exactly clear, but something like a funeral is “excused” while something like going to a cousins birthday party isn’t. I also tell them that things like pre-planned vacations aren’t really excused but that they should take them because it’s worth it. Just know that they will have to work extra hard when they don’t practice. I tell all of the parents those exact words. What I don’t tell them is that there is a gradient. The superstar gets a lot more leeway. The fringe player doesn’t.
I haven’t had to worry too much about tartyness. Some parents won’t change. I send those kids to the tree when they get in for a warm up jog, which is less fun. They don’t like that. They would prefer to warm up with the team, but it’s not so bad that anyone complains about a harsh coach.
@coach-kyle The attendance policy we used last year served us well over the years . . . until last year. It was abused and I was unwilling to change it mid-season. A huge contributing factor is something called "Outdoor Lab". This is a long-running program in our county school district where 6th graders go to school in the mountains for a week, living in bunkhouses/dorms.
We were devastated by injuries last year. 2 broken arms early in the season (these 2 kids came to every practice wearing casts), 1 ACL (maybe done with football forever) in the pre-season and 1 broken leg in Game 4.
Then there were the "normal" absences.
2 kids always miss the first week of practice because Mom takes them to Mexico every year around the same time, so they miss week 1.
One kid has always struggled to come to practice because Mom's life is in chaos. In past years, a coach would pick him up every day. Last season, Mom was unresponsive to calls/emails/texts, so he missed a lot of practice. Dad has him on weekends and he's also a mess, so he rarely showed up on time for games.
One kid who isn't allowed to go to practice if he doesn't complete his chores before his dad comes home to take him to practice. He's good for 2 absences per year for this.
Another kid had surgery on his tonsils and sinuses in August, but tried to rejoin the team in October. His attendance was maybe 50% for a few weeks, then stopped coming.
At least a dozen due to illness.
Another dozen for school stuff (band/choir/back to school night)
Then, there were what I consider abuses of the "excused due to family function" clause:
"I didn't think we'd have a game on Labor Day, so I booked a family trip to Mexico. This was a 2 way starter.
Same kid, "Mom insists we take him to Texas to meet his newborn cousin."
Another kid, also 2 way starter - Mom/Dad took him to Mexico.
Same kid missed a practice to attend a house warming party.
Same kid's mom called me at 6am on game day because he was throwing up. Missed that game and forced Mahonz to cobble together a defense in pre-game because he was already missing 2 starters.
My brother in law (coach on our team) took the family, including my nephew (2 way starter) camping because a pre-season trip with me was cancelled due to monsoon rains/flooding.
Another kid, (2 way starter) told us on Thursday night that he's going camping that weekend.
Another kid (2 way starter) had his mom decide last minute to go to Mexico for "Fall Break".
Same kid missed 2 practices because Mom insisted they support his sister at her HS volleyball game. "We consider this an important family function".
Same kid missed 1 practice because Mom lost track of what day it was. (Kid was furious to the point Dad had to intervene)
Another kid (2 way starter) missed a game because they have an annual father/son golf outing.
Another kid (starting OL) missed a game to go out of state to race motocross.
Same kid skipped practice to go fishing with Grandpa.
We had 2 forfeits last season and at least a few parents decided to keep their kids home because "what's the point if we don't have a game?"
I'm sure I'm missing more than a few. That's how bad it got. How do you prepare for a game with 11 kids at practice?
So I decided to steal DP's attendance policy and not try to be the arbiter of "excused vs unexcused". You're either here or your not. If you're not here 6 times over the season, I will no longer coach you.
When in doot . . . glass and oot.
Posted by: @gumby_in_co
This process got the juices flowing a little
Good for you, doing something that has all the joy sucked out of it can be a real drag.
Re: absenteeism ...
We keep it simple...
Our Welcome letter simply states...
"If absenteeism or discipline issues become a problem the Player may sit out a half, if it continues, they may sit out a game. Being at practice, doesn’t mean the child practiced. If a Player refuses to participate in practice, we are under no obligation to play them."
Altho our league rule is that a player must start and play on at lease one side of the ball for the whole game, we still control PT in the case of absenteeism. I'm inclined not to dock the kid if its a parental decision, but not for long... if parents complain, I just remind them that the kid who is in there instead of their kid is the one who had practiced, and their kid had not.
Umm.... why does that 6 ft tall 9 yr old have a goatee...?
Lar,
Forgettable season that we both can learn from. The crazy part for me is I had no clue how many players we had until picture day which I think is the only Event all season where we had 100% attendance.
Cant teach this game properly to a bunch of part timers and it really showed on the field.
Add to that....In all my years I had to fire one coach in season. You fired 2 in one season. In all my years never had an opponent forfeit. You had 2 in one season. In all my years I never witnessed so many severe football related injuries in one season. You had 5. Stuff happens but its usually something that happens outside of football. How do you break your arm tackling a dummy?
Its a new day, thankfully. I do know the players really miss the old Lar.
Happy he is back. 👍🏈😎
What is beautiful, lives forever.
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