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"Punish" the player because of the parent?  

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coachmiket
(@coachmiket)
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Joined: 10 years ago
Posts: 1371
August 1, 2019 6:44 am  

Not football related, but still pretty applicable to any sport you coach.  A couple years ago I had a player in my club whose parents spoke very highly of how we did things.  It was her first year with us and things went fine.  During the following offseason I learned that she was going to be playing for a bigger, more well known club. Wished her well and we parted ways.  The dad is a good guy, but the mom can be one of the obnoxious parents that will quietly make snide comments about anyone's performance, other players, etc. 

During the next season, there was a social media post with the girl and her new team or something and another parent of a former player commented that she thought they were still with us.  The mom replied back with some criticism of my program, saying no, they are at a place now where the players actually care and the coaches don't take any crap.  For background, many of our players are multi-sport, so we have to share them. Do I like it? No.  But it's the nature of the beast in some cases.  I think that's where the "players actually care" comment came from.  As for the coaches comment, no clue.  I'm pretty straightforward, honest and real with everyone.  Didn't totally bother me, but I figured it best that she was gone from us if her mom felt that way. I still say hi to the dad and the girl when I see them.

The mom later tried to get her back on a team with us last fall (spring is our bigger, more intense season) but we were full and frankly I didn't want them back. And again this past spring.  I guess the grass wasn't greener. 

We are short on numbers on a couple teams this fall so I've been social media blasting to draw a few in.  So the dad reached out yesterday and I have decided to take her on for just this fall.  She bounced between 3 teams since leaving us.  She's a good kid and I figure I'll give her a "second chance" and see how the mother acts this fall.  It's nothing too detrimental, as she is more annoying than troublesome.

Has anyone ever taken a player back in a similar fashion? Am I thinking too much about this?


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spidermac
(@spidermac)
Gold
Joined: 10 years ago
Posts: 2440
August 1, 2019 7:06 am  

You don't get to pick your parents...and social media is the devil 😛

My take...if the player is doing everything that you demand of her...then she has done nothing wrong and deserves to be treated like all the rest of your players...the parents on the other hand...no kid gloves required...what I like to do in these situations is talk to the parents...tell them that you understand they are doing what they believe to be right for their child, and if they believe that you are not the right coach for their child, by all means, feel free to go somewhere else. We do what we do here in the best interest of the team and every child that plays for us.

None of them suck, they just haven't found what the kid is good at yet.


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Dusty Ol Fart
(@youth-coach)
Diamond
Joined: 7 years ago
Posts: 7614
Illinois
Other
Club Admin
August 1, 2019 7:22 am  

The only time it (Punishing the player for the Parent) becomes warranted is when said parent is a Cancer to the Team on the Sidelines.

Monday Morning QB's are one thing but, any person who deliberately tries to undermine the Team Overtly or Covertly needs to be jettisoned ASAP. 

Not MPP... ONE TASK!  Teach them!  🙂


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CoachDP
(@coachdp)
Kryptonite
Joined: 10 years ago
Posts: 17394
North Carolina
High School
August 1, 2019 7:36 am  

She's a good kid

There's your answer, right there.

We don't coach to get great parents.  We coach to teach kids to be great.

--Dave

"The Greater the Teacher, the More Powerful the Player."

The Mission Statement: "I want to show any young man that he is far tougher than he thinks, that he can accomplish more than what he dreamed and that his work ethic will take him wherever he wants to go."

#BattleReady newhope


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mrdeadeye
(@mrdeadeye)
Silver
Joined: 11 years ago
Posts: 942
United States
August 3, 2019 8:07 am  

If you take em back. Take em back like they never left. No residual bitterness or anything like that.

I wouldn't even mention what the mom said. It won't help anything

Kid is all that matters. Kid wants to be there? Kid is doing their part? You got a winner.
TW

Winners Make it Happen


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terrypjohnson
(@terrypjohnson)
Bronze
Joined: 2 years ago
Posts: 281
United States
Head Coach
August 3, 2019 10:27 am  

If you take em back. Take em back like they never left. No residual bitterness or anything like that.

I wouldn't even mention what the mom said. It won't help anything

Kid is all that matters. Kid wants to be there? Kid is doing their part? You got a winner.
TW

I agree with this 100%. I've had a handful of parents criticize me publicly (obviously without talking to me about it first), but I always treat every player like gold. If you show the players that you appreciate them, they will always go the extra mile.

Fight 'em until Hell freezes over, then fight 'em on the ice -- Dutch Meyer


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CoachDP
(@coachdp)
Kryptonite
Joined: 10 years ago
Posts: 17394
North Carolina
High School
August 3, 2019 10:30 am  

I agree with this 100%. I've had a handful of parents criticize me publicly (obviously without talking to me about it first), but I always treat every player like gold. If you show the players that you appreciate them, they will always go the extra mile.

Great post.

If you have a prob with a parent, remember that it's not the player that you have the problem with.

--Dave

"The Greater the Teacher, the More Powerful the Player."

The Mission Statement: "I want to show any young man that he is far tougher than he thinks, that he can accomplish more than what he dreamed and that his work ethic will take him wherever he wants to go."

#BattleReady newhope


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coachmiket
(@coachmiket)
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Joined: 10 years ago
Posts: 1371
August 5, 2019 4:54 am  

Thanks for the comments.  This is pretty much how I have approached the situation.  I'm sure there will be some people in my club who disagree with my stance, but oh well.  It's my call and I'm not going to make a big deal out of this, so hopefully others will follow suit.


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tiger46
(@tiger46)
Bronze
Joined: 11 years ago
Posts: 397
August 7, 2019 6:45 am  

I have to deal with some parents at practice today. Our 7u team practices near the parents. Some of the parents are trying to get way too involved with the practice and are interfering with the coaches.  The 7u coaches informed me of the problem after practice yesterday. One helicopter mom is jumping off of the bleachers and drowning her kid in gatorade anytime he looks like he almost breaks a sweat. Another player's dad is trying to armchair coach his son from the bleachers.

“It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men. ”  ― Frederick Douglass


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mrdeadeye
(@mrdeadeye)
Silver
Joined: 11 years ago
Posts: 942
United States
August 7, 2019 6:53 am  

I have to deal with some parents at practice today. Our 7u team practices near the parents. Some of the parents are trying to get way too involved with the practice and are interfering with the coaches.  The 7u coaches informed me of the problem after practice yesterday. One helicopter mom is jumping off of the bleachers and drowning her kid in gatorade anytime he looks like he almost breaks a sweat. Another player's dad is trying to armchair coach his son from the bleachers.

Sounds like you need to implement a 100 foot rule at practice. As well as a hands off policy.

Parents cannot come within 100 feet of the team. Parents are not allowed in ANY way to interact with their kids during practice.

Any parent that don't like it and can't understand it, is going to be a problem anyways so you might as well get rid of em sooner than later.
TW

Winners Make it Happen


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Coach TonyM
(@ramoody)
Gold
Joined: 11 years ago
Posts: 1732
North Carolina
Middle School
Head Coach
August 8, 2019 11:35 am  

Sounds like you need to implement a 100 foot rule at practice. As well as a hands off policy.

Parents cannot come within 100 feet of the team. Parents are not allowed in ANY way to interact with their kids during practice.

Any parent that don't like it and can't understand it, is going to be a problem anyways so you might as well get rid of em sooner than later.
TW

Exactly!! Parents not allowed on practice field, and I practice about 150 yards away from them.  Hard for them to see much less interact.  I would probably rip into them if they started that BS though.


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gumby_in_co
(@gumby_in_co)
Platinum
Joined: 11 years ago
Posts: 4147
August 8, 2019 11:40 am  

I guess we're just lucky. I ran a drill on Tuesday that was about 20' from the gallery. At the end of practice, I invited the parents to come in close to be part of the breakdown, but was disappointed that they stayed about 20' away. Mahonz saw a HS present at a youth coach clinic recently and talked about the culture change when he invited the parents to be part of the experience. We're going to try it.

I used to be hardcore about keeping the parents at a distance. Over time, I realized that this is the "easy" way of controlling your crowd. Then, I always tell the kids that nothing easy is worth bragging about.

When in doot . . . glass and oot.


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CoachDP
(@coachdp)
Kryptonite
Joined: 10 years ago
Posts: 17394
North Carolina
High School
August 8, 2019 11:57 am  

Mahonz saw a HS present at a youth coach clinic recently and talked about the culture change when he invited the parents to be part of the experience. We're going to try it.

I guess no one listens to me when I've said it.

--Dave

"The Greater the Teacher, the More Powerful the Player."

The Mission Statement: "I want to show any young man that he is far tougher than he thinks, that he can accomplish more than what he dreamed and that his work ethic will take him wherever he wants to go."

#BattleReady newhope


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tiger46
(@tiger46)
Bronze
Joined: 11 years ago
Posts: 397
August 8, 2019 12:50 pm  

Mahonz saw a HS present at a youth coach clinic recently and talked about the culture change when he invited the parents to be part of the experience. We're going to try it.

I used to be hardcore about keeping the parents at a distance. Over time, I realized that this is the "easy" way of controlling your crowd. Then, I always tell the kids that nothing easy is worth bragging about.

I used to think the same about keeping parents far away.  But, these last couple of seasons that we were in charge we relaxed our stance on that.  Last season we had one dad that we had to get under control. Other than that, it has been a positive experience.  The problem with that is that although we can practice close to the parents they still have to maintain about a 50' distance away.  Close enough. But, not too close. League rules, insurance, coaching credentials, etc... This new guy is trying to break the rules. 

I talked to him yesterday.  I was told that he just waited until I was no longer in the area and started up again, talking over the coaches and badgering his son.  The 7u HC told him that he's the kind of parent that will make his son hate participating in sports. So, today I will tell him that if he keeps it up, I will remove his son from the field and/or the team, if necessary.  I do have the option of having the police remove him from the field, also.

I like the parents to be able to see and hear what we go through with their kids- especially at the younger levels. In a time when other org.'s are struggling with their numbers, we're doing pretty damn well.  I think letting the parents get closer and really witnessing the process contributed somewhat in keeping our numbers up.

“It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men. ”  ― Frederick Douglass


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CoachDP
(@coachdp)
Kryptonite
Joined: 10 years ago
Posts: 17394
North Carolina
High School
August 8, 2019 7:56 pm  

I think letting the parents get closer and really witnessing the process contributed somewhat in keeping our numbers up.

^ Bingo.  We invited parents to my high school practices so that they could see and hear everything we did and said.

--Dave

"The Greater the Teacher, the More Powerful the Player."

The Mission Statement: "I want to show any young man that he is far tougher than he thinks, that he can accomplish more than what he dreamed and that his work ethic will take him wherever he wants to go."

#BattleReady newhope


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