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Punish the player for the sins of the parent?

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SingleWingGoombah
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So this off season I am revising my team rule sheet due to numerous issues, and potential issues from the crop of kids moving up.  One my ACs mentioned that for their baseball program they are in (which is a very expensive one) has part of their rules saying that misbehavior from parents can result in punishment for the player. 

What are your thoughts on this?  At first I did not like it.  But After this season, and I am referencing issues and behaviors across our organization, not just from my team, it seems a bit more viable.  At the parent meeting, they would be given 2 sheets with the rules, one to sign and give back and one to keep.  On those rules, it would list the things clearly that would cause your child to lose playing time

I am trying to add accountability to the ever increasing issue of parent behavior. 


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mahonz
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So this off season I am revising my team rule sheet due to numerous issues, and potential issues from the crop of kids moving up.  One my ACs mentioned that for their baseball program they are in (which is a very expensive one) has part of their rules saying that misbehavior from parents can result in punishment for the player. 

What are your thoughts on this?  At first I did not like it.  But After this season, and I am referencing issues and behaviors across our organization, not just from my team, it seems a bit more viable.  At the parent meeting, they would be given 2 sheets with the rules, one to sign and give back and one to keep.  On those rules, it would list the things clearly that would cause your child to lose playing time

I am trying to add accountability to the ever increasing issue of parent behavior.

Absolutely yes. It works.

What is beautiful, lives forever.


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patriotsfatboy1
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We don't do it based on behavior.  I do punish the kid if he is late by making them run with Godzilla, but it is really the parents' fault.  In that case, I expect the kid to nag the parent so much to ensure that it does not happen again. 

For parent behavior, I believe it a firm, zero tolerance policy.  You get out of line (and I am the sole judge), then you are not allowed to be at the field.  Kid does not suffer other than having to walk to mom/dad's car alone.  Our Association makes all parents sign a code of conduct, so they know what they are getting into.  I then give them my rules, which are pretty similar.  I just don't think that punishing the kid for the sins of the parent is the right way to go. 


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CoachDP
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I've never punished a player for having jerks for parents.

--Dave

"The Greater the Teacher, the More Powerful the Player."

The Mission Statement: "I want to show any young man that he is far tougher than he thinks, that he can accomplish more than what he dreamed and that his work ethic will take him wherever he wants to go."

#BattleReady newhope


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SingleWingGoombah
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Absolutely yes. It works.

Can you expound on your answer?


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bigshel
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I can see why this tack might be effective, but I think it sends the wrong message to the kid when he can be punished for bad behavior by his parent(s). And I'm really in this for the kid's sake. Parents have to take responsibility for their own sh--.


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SingleWingGoombah
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I can see why this tack might be effective, but I think it sends the wrong message to the kid when he can be punished for bad behavior by his parent(s). And I'm really in this for the kid's sake. Parents have to take responsibility for their own sh--.

Even if parents are ruining the experience for all the kids with their behavior?


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davecisar
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We have been blessed with pretty good parents

Part of that is because we have a contract they must sign and have that tough meeting at the beginning of the season

All of the penalties fall on the parents- with the exception of really egregious acts
Then the player is removed from the game until the parent leaves
Only had to do that once- and the kid was still allowed to play- mom wasnt allowed to watch games after that- she never came to practice

We did to a house cleaning at the end of the season about 20 years ago- 10+ families and maybe 1 or 2 here in 13 years
But it was at the end of the season- they were told to go elsewhere to play

That seemed to hold the barbarians at the gate

We did do the one minute late = one lap for games thing this year for chronic tardies
It worked really well- kids bugged mom and dad

However beautiful the strategy, you should occasionally look at the results.Winston Churchill


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patriotsfatboy1
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Even if parents are ruining the experience for all the kids with their behavior?

If I have someone that is ruining the experience for the kids with their behavior, I look to remove that person from the mix.  Could be a parent, coach or player.  I still don't see how a kid is going to be able to control his parent, especially while he is attempting to play. 

As a Board member, I have had to pull parents from the field (game, practice, etc.) and have written letters to them telling them that they are no longer welcome on the field for any reason for X period of time. I have also told them that we will have the police forcibly remove them if needed.  Only had to have the police come once. 


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CoachDP
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Even if parents are ruining the experience for all the kids with their behavior?

Example?

—Dave

"The Greater the Teacher, the More Powerful the Player."

The Mission Statement: "I want to show any young man that he is far tougher than he thinks, that he can accomplish more than what he dreamed and that his work ethic will take him wherever he wants to go."

#BattleReady newhope


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gumby_in_co
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I don't know how it is in other areas, but in our league, refs will throw flags for parent behavior on the sideline. If it happens twice in a game, the HC is ejected and suspended. Both of those scenarios end up punishing the kids for parent behavior.  It's done that way because it's effective. Most parents stop their bullshit immediately at the threat of costing the team 15 yards.

The only time I've seen it fail was one of Mahonz' games years ago. A parent drew a 15 yard penalty on a 3rd and 25 for running onto the field and picking up his son after a huge hit. He yapped at the ref, costing them another 15 and was ejected from the field, continuing to yap on the way out, even threatening the ref. Mahonz' team punched it in for the go ahead and eventual win.

Did that not punish the kids?

When in doot . . . glass and oot.


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SingleWingGoombah
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If I have someone that is ruining the experience for the kids with their behavior, I look to remove that person from the mix.  Could be a parent, coach or player.  I still don't see how a kid is going to be able to control his parent, especially while he is attempting to play. 

As a Board member, I have had to pull parents from the field (game, practice, etc.) and have written letters to them telling them that they are no longer welcome on the field for any reason for X period of time. I have also told them that we will have the police forcibly remove them if needed.  Only had to have the police come once.

I honestly do not have faith in our BOD to provide necessary oversight which is one of the reasons I am considering this.  I am not asking the player to control their parent with this. 

The parent attitude is I am only concerned about my kid, I don't give a damn about the team, my baby should be the star... so now if they know their baby, that they would do anything for, will have to sit if they act a certain way, the hope is they will not do it then.  If they would do anything... why not make the thing they be acting like a decent human being. 


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bigshel
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Even if parents are ruining the experience for all the kids with their behavior?

We had just that happen at a game this year. Our org has a zero tolerance policy for the adults, as well as the kids (which they must sign before their kid takes the field in August). Parent was banned from practices as well as games for the remainder of the season.

In talking to family members, this parent has ruined other activities for the kid in the past. The parent is too self-absorbed to see the effect she was having on the kid's experiences. That's the main reason for not punishing the kid. That and the fact that the parent can say the org was at fault, since we "took it out on the kid". Kid road to games/practices with his cousin (who was also on our team) and finished the season. If you really enforce a zero tolerance policy, it can be an effective deterrent.

IF you REALLY enforce it.


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SingleWingGoombah
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Example?

—Dave

A player broke out in the open field for a sure touchdown, but decided to Deion Sanders his way in to the endzone from about the 11 and got caught from behind.  Coach was mad, and was addressing what happened during the post game talk.  Dad goes ballistic, cause he did not think his son was hot dogging it (he was definitely) in front of the kids.  After they break their post game, he goes after the coach, threatening, trying to get him to fight, stuff like that.  This was done in front of one of our other teams who was weighing in.  Coach gets him away from kids.  And the dad is trying to get him to fight out in the parking lot now. 

As an aside, and this is a whole other issue, this dad is a BOD member, is still a BOD member (as is the wife) and his kid is one of the ones moving up to the level I coach that could possibly be on my team.  But that aside kind of explains why I have no faith in BOD oversight. 


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SingleWingGoombah
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Topic starter  

We had just that happen at a game this year. Our org has a zero tolerance policy for the adults, as well as the kids (which they must sign before their kid takes the field in August). Parent was banned from practices as well as games for the remainder of the season.

In talking to family members, this parent has ruined other activities for the kid in the past. The parent is too self-absorbed to see the effect she was having on the kid's experiences. That's the main reason for not punishing the kid. That and the fact that the parent can say the org was at fault, since we "took it out on the kid". Kid road to games/practices with his cousin (who was also on our team) and finished the season. If you really enforce a zero tolerance policy, it can be an effective deterrent.

IF you REALLY enforce it.

I don't have faith in our org to really enforce it.  But I would have faith in myself to enforce things for my team 🙂


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