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Beansko82
(@beansko82)
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May 16, 2018 5:55 pm  

So today after my baseball game I was approached by a parent (grandparent actually) about their player. 

Apparently I was told that even though this kid has been diagnosed with ADD or ADHD or whatever they’re calling it nowadays.  And even though he was standing in the outfield  with his arms folded and legs crossed she assured me that he was paying attention. Also that I didn’t need to constantly stay on him about it. 

Now this kid also plays football for me he’s not a bad kid but I do find myself having to correct him at times to keep him focused on the task at hand.  I have another kid who plays for me and it’s the same thing with his parents. 

Understand I’m not trying to debate the validity of ADD as a medical condition but what I am saying is I don’t care if your kid has ADD. I’m not trying to be cold.  It’s just that  I’m going to coach him the same as any other kid and discipline him the same as any other kid on the team.  And that’s the part that frustrates me because no parent has ever come up to me in the beginning of the season during the parents nearing and told me this it’s always after I’ve had to correct their player. And it seems to me like they are just looking for an excuse for their player.


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tiger46
(@tiger46)
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May 16, 2018 7:03 pm  

Is either of the kids any good?  Or, more importantly, can either be coached to be any good?  Can either be coached to be good at at just one single task? Most importantly, are either of them having fun?

I know those are basic coaching questions.  But, when I have to deal with an ADD/ADHD, or whatever they're calling it nowadays player (as, probably, most of us have to do every season) it makes me have to re-evaluate myself as a coach.  I usually start with asking myself those questions.  Dealing with the partents of those types of players can be a lot more difficult and frustrating.  But, I find that when I have the answers to those questions it makes it a bit easier for me when dealing with the parents.

“It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men. ”  ― Frederick Douglass


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Beansko82
(@beansko82)
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May 17, 2018 3:55 am  

Is either of the kids any good?  Or, more importantly, can either be coached to be any good?  Can either be coached to be good at at just one single task? Most importantly, are either of them having fun?

I know those are basic coaching questions.  But, when I have to deal with an ADD/ADHD, or whatever they're calling it nowadays player (as, probably, most of us have to do every season) it makes me have to re-evaluate myself as a coach.  I usually start with asking myself those questions.  Dealing with the partents of those types of players can be a lot more difficult and frustrating.  But, I find that when I have the answers to those questions it makes it a bit easier for me when dealing with the parents.

To answer your questions yes, yes, yes and yes.  The kids are actually two of my better athletes.

The kids really aren’t the problem in my eyes.  If no one told me they had ADD I probably wouldn’t be any the wiser.  Sometimes I have to get on them and stay on them a little bit more than the other players, but everyone has a kid like that.

The primary source of my frustration is that parents use it as cop out and an excuse to advocate for preferential treatment for their kid.  Like I’m just supposed to let things slide because he has ADD.  I can’t/won’t do that.


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Dimson
(@dimson)
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May 17, 2018 4:40 am  

Your story reminds me of a few years ago when I was coaching a 6u flag team. We had this kid named S. Well S was a great athlete but he had 0 focus and whenever you talked to him he could never look at you and always looked like he was lost in space. This frustrated us at times to no end because sometimes he played like the best defender on the field, other times, not so much. So one day he has a terrible game so I talk to his mom after to see if everything was ok with him. She told me, "Coach, you know he has autism right?" Keep in mind this was like the 5th or 6th game of the season. I just stood there not knowing what to say. I asked her why didn't she tell us. Her response, "I thought you knew." No I didn't know because she never told me. If she would have told us, we would have known better how to handle S and it would have led to a lot less frustration on our part. We would have understood his focus issues and why he would never look at us when we were trying to teach him. We thought he was just not wanting to listen to us.
My kid has ADD and ODD but me and his mom always let anyone coaching him know this before the season starts so they are prepared/warned ahead of time. Not because I want to make an excuse for my son or get him special treatment, but because I know how difficult it can to work with a kid who has ODD. Not everyone has the patients or temperament to handle a kid with ODD. With that being said we make sure our son gets his meds most days and as long as he gets his meds, he is a lot easier to handle. Some coaches have done great with him, even with his blow ups. Some coaches, not so much.


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patriotsfatboy1
(@patriotsfatboy1)
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May 17, 2018 4:40 am  

I get that ADD is there, but I think that half the kids have been diagnosed with something.  I have always wanted to have a water spray over practice with some Ritalin mixed in for some practices.  I don't want parents to tell me that info as I do think it can be an excuse. 

I do want parents to tell me if they are on the autism spectrum.  I had a kid last year, that was obviously autistic and I needed to really work with him.  He had some anger management issues in that he would punch a kid who tackled him in a drill or if he was being blocked, he might kick him after the play.  Certainly a challenge in games.  Parents did not really come clean to me even though I gave them opportunities until about the 4th game.  I told them not to wait on that next time. 


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coachmiket
(@coachmiket)
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May 17, 2018 5:12 am  

So today after my baseball game I was approached by a parent (grandparent actually) about their player. 

Apparently I was told that even though this kid has been diagnosed with ADD or ADHD or whatever they’re calling it nowadays.  And even though he was standing in the outfield  with his arms folded and legs crossed she assured me that he was paying attention. Also that I didn’t need to constantly stay on him about it. 

Now this kid also plays football for me he’s not a bad kid but I do find myself having to correct him at times to keep him focused on the task at hand.  I have another kid who plays for me and it’s the same thing with his parents. 

Understand I’m not trying to debate the validity of ADD as a medical condition but what I am saying is I don’t care if your kid has ADD. I’m not trying to be cold.  It’s just that  I’m going to coach him the same as any other kid and discipline him the same as any other kid on the team.  And that’s the part that frustrates me because no parent has ever come up to me in the beginning of the season during the parents nearing and told me this it’s always after I’ve had to correct their player. And it seems to me like they are just looking for an excuse for their player.

In my opinion, coaching approaches sometimes need to change from player to player.  Some kids respond better to certain stimuli, while others may further shut down when exposed to the exact same thing.  Part of being a coach is knowing what buttons to push with what players.


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Beansko82
(@beansko82)
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May 17, 2018 5:50 am  

In my opinion, coaching approaches sometimes need to change from player to player.  Some kids respond better to certain stimuli, while others may further shut down when exposed to the exact same thing.  Part of being a coach is knowing what buttons to push with what players.

I get what you’re saying and I agree.  On most of them teams I’ve coached I’ve always had a handful of kids like this.  I usually also have a few who are mature beyond their years.  Most kids are middle of the road where they are engaged and focused so long as you aren’t having them stand around too much in line or making listen to a long winded lecture. 

What I meant by that statement is that I hold them accountable for their actions in games and practices like I would anyother kid.  The problem is not so much the kid’s behavior rather the parents insistence that I overlook it.


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Dimson
(@dimson)
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May 17, 2018 6:00 am  

I get what you’re saying and I agree.  On most of them teams I’ve coached I’ve always had a handful of kids like this.  I usually also have a few who are mature beyond their years.  Most kids are middle of the road where they are engaged and focused so long as you aren’t having them stand around too much in line or making listen to a long winded lecture. 

What I meant by that statement is that I hold them accountable for their actions in games and practices like I would anyother kid.  The problem is not so much the kid’s behavior rather the parents insistence that I overlook it.

If their kid really has ADD he will have meds and if his parents do their job, he will have a pill for the game to help with this. If the kid hasn't had his pill that is on his parents, not so much on him. If he has had it, then that is on the boy. I tell my son all the time. His pills are to help them, they are not to prevent him from being a jack ass to his coach and others. That part is on him.


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spidermac
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May 17, 2018 6:33 am  

I have one right now, have had him since he was 5, he will be 11 this season...and...

In my parent letter, I tell the parents, I will treat the boys fairly, not the same, because they are not the same, I also ask if they have any conditions that I need to know about in order to coach their son up appropriately.

In spring 7v7 it is not unusual to see him throwing his mouth piece in the air and trying to catch it in his mouth...

Fall...he is one of the smaller kids on the team, apparently his meds mess with his appetite, but he should be playing db for me, but because of his focus issues, he plays on the line. I do not let him disrupt practice. He gets disciplined in the same manner as the other boys, he screws up, he climbs, he continues, he gets an OSI (opportunity for self improvement), and actually, he has had one OSI since I implemented them at 8, it was for mouthing during the "Dawg Pound"...he remembered it. I didn't go light on him because he has some sort of alphabet condition (not minimizing it, it is real, we can see it when his meds run out)...

Anyway, in the fall, he is appropriately dosed for the games, he can do his job, practices, sometimes he is on another planet, and if that is the case, me or another coach stay near him to keep him on task, because by the end of the day, the meds are starting to wear off.

It is no different than a kid with Dyslexia, you have to find out how to reach him and teach him and make him a contributing member of the team. I have had many a conversation with his folks about him, mom sometimes goes into tears, because she feels poorly that her son is not like the other boys, I tell her that it will pass, he will outgrow this (and he will, when his body stops going crazy and growing and they can stabilize his meds), and if he was "like the other boys", then things would be pretty boring.

Love the boy, coach him up, talk to the parents.

None of them suck, they just haven't found what the kid is good at yet.


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GP
 GP
(@gpenn44)
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May 17, 2018 6:48 am  

I don’t care if your kid has ADD. I’m not trying to be cold.  It’s just that  I’m going to coach him the same as any other kid

This statement makes it abundantly clear why you are having these problems.

"Motivation is simple. You eliminate those who are not motivated." - Lou Holtz


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Dimson
(@dimson)
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May 17, 2018 6:54 am  

My son constantly loses his focus out in right field so me and his mom and even her boy friend are always yelling out to the outfield for our son to be ready in between pitches. Sometimes even the other parents on the team do it for us if we are slacking, lol.


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Dimson
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May 17, 2018 6:57 am  

This statement makes it abundantly clear why you are having these problems.

I agree and that is the same attitude my son's coach had when I told him about my son's ODD. He told me, "You don't want me to treat him different than everyone else do you?" I knew right then the coach had no idea what he was getting himself in to.


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Michael
(@michael)
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May 17, 2018 7:00 am  

Ritalin is something kids take to make adults less boring.

Michael can not receive PM's, emails or respond to Posts. He passed away in September 2018. To honor his contributions we are leaving his account active. R.I.P - Dumcoach Staff.


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GP
 GP
(@gpenn44)
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May 17, 2018 7:00 am  

If their kid really has ADD he will have meds and if his parents do their job, he will have a pill for the game to help with this. If the kid hasn't had his pill that is on his parents, not so much on him. If he has had it, then that is on the boy. I tell my son all the time. His pills are to help them, they are not to prevent him from being a jack ass to his coach and others. That part is on him.

Are you a doctor or did you just sleep at a Holiday Inn last night?  ;D Either way, that is not true.

Plenty of kids have ADD and other issues that they are not medicated for for a variety of reasons. There are a lot of varying schools of thought on this particularly when it comes to medicating children. If you and your son's doctor feel that is the best course then by all means - there are many cases where it is probably appropriate. But stating that "if his parents do their job, he will have a pill" isn't necessarily true.

Also, most of us have coached a number of kids whose parents don't do their job. So that kid already has to deal with all that comes with that and now he's got a coach adding insult to injury by penalizing him for it. Yet another reason you can't coach everyone the same.

Different kids are going to have different needs. I really wish people who can't get on board with that would stay out of coaching / teaching / parenting. To be clear, that is a general statement, not a dig at anyone on here.

"Motivation is simple. You eliminate those who are not motivated." - Lou Holtz


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Dimson
(@dimson)
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May 17, 2018 7:09 am  

Are you a doctor or did you just sleep at a Holiday Inn last night?  ;D Either way, that is not true.

Plenty of kids have ADD and other issues that they are not medicated for for a variety of reasons. There are a lot of varying schools of thought on this particularly when it comes to medicating children. If you and your son's doctor feel that is the best course then by all means - there are many cases where it is probably appropriate. But stating that "if his parents do their job, he will have a pill" isn't necessarily true.

Also, most of us have coached a number of kids whose parents don't do their job. So that kid already has to deal with all that comes with that and now he's got a coach adding insult to injury by penalizing him for it. Yet another reason you can't coach everyone the same.

Different kids are going to have different needs. I really wish people who can't get on board with that would stay out of coaching / teaching / parenting. To be clear, that is a general statement, not a dig at anyone on here.

I am saying if the kid is prescribed to have medicine and is not taking the medicine, that is the parents fault. I am not saying it is an excuse to give the kid to justify his actions. My son tries that any time we forget to give him his ODD pill. He blames not having the pill is why he is angry and acting out. I remind him the pill helps him with his anger, if he is being a jack ass, that is on him.


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