Is this common?

This is not only common, but standard operating procedure.

--Dave

Yeah unfortunately it is way more common then you would hope
Most coaches think just because they are men and may have played HS football it gives them some sort of right or right of passage to coach and cant believe why things are not going as they had hoped.

I was told something by someone who is very successful. We were talking about recruiting for college and he said something that I carried with me in ANYTHING I wanted to see happen

"Hope is NOT a strategy"

So in any goal I walk in with that mentality.

Yeah, it's common.

Welcome to youth coaching.

I don't get too bent out of shape hearing that stuff since I was one of those guys.  Vividly remember my first year, another Dad AC asking me about blocking assignments, saying shouldn't we teach them who to block.  My response was that it was too complicated to teach 7-8 year old kids the who, they just need to hit the defender in front of them.  "Block somebody" was a frequent instruction from our sideline. Truth was, I didn't know who they should block, so I just covered it up with "they won't understand" - didn't want my own ignorance out there for everyone to see.

Live and learn.

Welcome...

I think I am a pretty decent coach, there are some really good coaches on here...and they helped me become a decent coach.

So engage and read and ask questions...and get better.

Yep, you have come to the right place!  I have learned so much in little under a year from the knowledge on this forum.

Along comes fall tackle and my son played 1 year prior and this is second year, I was asked to help be assistant coach

--Will your son continue playing?  Are you coaching only because he is playing?

Answer was they just need to hit someone, and yelling and ra ra this how we did it in high school etc speeches ensued for next 2 weeks.

--As typical as this is, it still infuriates me to no end.  Grrrr...

I'm the only one even saying we need to teach some blocking scheme.

--People laughed at Thomas Edison, too.

Then in practices which mostly consisted of 45 minutes or warmup and running laps to start them some type of drill like board drill one on one, and then right to 1 hour or o vs d full contact everyday.

--The prototypical practice of a bad youth football team.

Our kids were getting pounded.

--It's a shame.  I imagine your coaches were blaming the kids.  ("You've got to WANT it!")

had many kids at the end say to me you were the only one who encouraged me and believed in me, so I guess I made a little difference.

--Maybe you've found a calling.  Perhaps you're there for a REASON?

I really want to continue to coach even after all that craziness.

--So did I.

So all in all looking for a little sanity check that it really should not go down like this right?

--It really should not, and it doesn't have to.

now the challenge to get them back next year.

--Then CALL them.  And good luck to you.  Sounds like you already have far more insight to kids and their success than the others you were working with.  A great thing about coaching is you can be as good (or bad) as you choose to be.  There is no opponent stopping you from learning.

--Dave

I'd also suggest that you:

1.  Buy Cisar's book (regardless of whatever scheme you'd like to coach).

2.  Buy a vetted, youth-specific system-package regarding the schemes you are interested in.

3.  Hook up with some coaches here, who you think could help you.

4.  Be willing to learn as much as you can in the OFF-SEASON. 

5.  Know that that "coaching" and "telling" is not the same thing.

If you start with these, you will have a major advantage over almost every coach and team you play against.

--Dave

Most coaches think just because they are men and may have played HS football it gives them some sort of right or right of passage to coach

Robert is 100% correct.  Coaching football is not a birthright.  You must be a good teacher to be a good coach.  That takes passion and insight.  Most men are NOT cut out for this, regardless of how qualified they think they are.  You have no idea where this ride will carry you.  The journey is more than worthwhile.

--Dave

Welcome !

Suggestion. Many...myself included wont read posts that are walls of text. Use lots of paragraphs and you will get more responses for large detailed posts.

I'd also suggest that you:

1.  Buy Cisar's book (regardless of whatever scheme you'd like to coach). Yup

2.  Buy a vetted, youth-specific system-package regarding the schemes you are interested in. Uh huh

3.  Hook up with some coaches here, who you think could help you. [head nod]

4.  Be willing to learn as much as you can in the OFF-SEASON. Oh yeah. you gotta do that.

5.  Know that that "coaching" and "telling" is not the same thing.

This. A thousand times this. I'd be willing to bet that you've heard one of your fellow coaches utter something along the lines of "Why did he do that? We didn't coach him that!" In my opinion, this is the kind of thing that a "bad" coach will say. And the absolute, stone cold lock, 100% accurate reply to that little quip is "Yes, you did. You coached him to do that because he did it."

Now, you can't completely control the actions of another human being, we're just not wired that way. But you can set out expectations and standards for how players conduct themselves on the field. Both from an athletic and sportsmanship perspective. Talkin' ain't coachin', it ain't even teachin'. It's just you running your mouth.

Really wrap your head around the idea that you are giving your players skills for the entire time they're on the practice field, whether you intend to or not.

If you start with these, you will have a major advantage over almost every coach and team you play against.

--Dave

Thank you all for the advice and reading that long post (i'll do better), and I'm sure the start of a journey that I feel a calling too. I have been a HC for youth baseball for years, so I'm thinking that is where the passion, desire, and calling to teach the kids is coming from, especially when you see those kids in town and they come running up to you to say hi and thank you. Definitely a season to take the negatives and turn in positive learning "lemons to lemonade". Hope to enjoy the ride, but work hard to plan for it. 

Dave - Thank you the encouragement and advice, I plan to stock on some good reads for the long winter months. My son does plan to continuing to to play despite the constant blame game funny same quote you referred to "--It's a shame.  I imagine your coaches were blaming the kids.  ("You've got to WANT it!")" to the tee, and watched the kids walk away every "pep talk" with their heads looking at the ground! I am not not in it for my son, I realize that this about building the team, kids confidence, integrity, and bigger calling to make a difference, actually would prefer he be on another team, but not likely in our our league.

Have already started to reach out the kids and parents to try to rebuild that trust for next year!

Welcome !

Suggestion. Many...myself included wont read posts that are walls of text. Use lots of paragraphs and you will get more responses for large detailed posts.

I realize that was a story and not a post  :), used my phone so came out like text. I will take your advice, will likely fumble around a bit to learn.

and watched the kids walk away every "pep talk" with their heads looking at the ground!

I believe this to be the biggest reason we are losing kids to other sports and activities.  And frankly, I would walk away if I were a kid/parent too.  Coaches want to blame the "concussion scare" on why kids walk away from the game, instead of looking in the mirror.

--Dave

I believe this to be the biggest reason we are losing kids to other sports and activities.  And frankly, I would walk away if I were a kid/parent too.  Coaches want to blame the "concussion scare" on why kids walk away from the game, instead of looking in the mirror.

--Dave

I think that bad coaching is a huge problem, but it is a problem in all sports.  The concussion stuff is very real as we deal with it even with teams that have solid coaches.  The reality is that you have to make sure that you are addressing both of these in order to get kids to come out and be committed.  It is difficult, but it can be done. 

In an earlier post, I suggested you invest in a youth-specific scheme.  However, what I neglected to point out was that while investing in a proven scheme is necessary, it is NOT more important than knowing what FUNDAMENTALS to teach, how to teach the FUNDAMENTALS well and how to teach the FUNDAMENTALS efficiently.  (You only have a few weeks in preseason to get everything up and running effectively.)  And while every coach may agree that proper fundamentals are important, IT'S THE RARE COACH WHO RUNS HIS PRACTICES AS IF FUNDAMENTALS OUTRANK SCHEME IN TERMS OF IMPORTANCE.  Most coaches and practically every "fan" grumble incessantly about play-calls, when it's the EXECUTION of the play-call that makes it successful, or not.  But "fans" have little knowledge of what the fundamentals are, much less what goes into teaching them.  Any scheme can be successful if players execute the fundamentals that go into that play.  But everyone talks about the "play call" as if good fundamentals and execution are a given.  Plays work because of execution first, not the call in and of itself.  However, working on fundamentals is not sexy.  And is usually deemed not important.  That's why the youth header spends all of his time working with his "skill players" on plays, and the 1st-time volunteer dad-coach is spending his time "coaching" the offensive line.  Don't make this mistake.  If your players are fundamentally strong, it won't matter what scheme you run, you will be successful.  If your players are not fundamentally strong, it won't matter what you run, you won't be successful.

--Dave